so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
