So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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