In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
