thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
