'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
