and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
