I'm jealous of your bromance
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
