Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We smell like vodka and hangover
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