What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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