Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
