i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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