Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
