I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
