Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
