quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
