My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
