Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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