i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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