they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
