I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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