Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
