You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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