I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
