we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
