The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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