Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
