Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
