Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
