so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
whose parrot is this?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
