dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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