my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
