I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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