The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
