she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
