I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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