when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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