Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
