if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
