Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
