I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
