I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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