the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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