Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
