She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
