dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
