I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
