This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
