coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
