Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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