if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
