Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
