Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
