I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
