I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the day after is always just damage control
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
