Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
