I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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