where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
