dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
