You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
